'Mommy Guilt'- The Solution

We've visited the origins of common mother's guilt. Now let's examine why it needs to be abandoned.

Let's say that your mom tells you that apples are tasty and are good for you, but you never see her eating any. She never buys any. Would you be inclined to buy or eat an apple?

So let's examine role models:

• If I tell my daughter that she is important, and then I treat myself like I'm NOT important, will she believe me about her own worth?
• If I tell her that nurturing herself is essential, because nobody, no matter how much they love you, can really advocate actively for your heart, but I lead an unbalanced, unhealthy life, never voicing my needs or fulfilling them, what will she think is appropriate when the time comes to compromise with others?
• Do I want my son to pick a happy, well adjusted mate, or an unfulfilled, unhappy martyr?
• Do I want my kids to think it is normal for a partner to have their own interests, or feel threatened by their expanded world?

So even if I cannot justify balanced, healthy habits for my own well-being (which should be enough!) I can see that I need to model the behavior I wish my children to adopt and seek in others.

They need to see me taking time for myself. They need to see me doing things that interest me, working hard without giving up, and fulfilling goals that matter to me. They need to see that we can be very devoted to each other and yet also have time apart, and that time apart makes the time together richer.

Therefore, I am not neglecting my children, I am investing in them when I invest in my own well-being, health, and happiness. 

Ooo, snap!  
(guilt withers away)