December exercise log

Okay, here's my first month's attempt at being active three times a week. It's imperfect but a good start. Hey, I lost 5 pounds, so I must be doing something right! I'm also happy that I didn't let the doldrums in the middle of the month steal my mojo, and I had a strong finish that last week.

Week 1- Yeah! Motivated and healthy!

• Tues, Dec 1: Bouldering at The Spot 7-9, plus slacklining. 
• Fri, Dec 4: Walk pushing stroller, baby in sling, to go buy groceries. Transport them in stroller while wearing baby. About 1 mile. Balmy 40 degrees outside!
  
• Sat, Dec 5: Walk in snow as a family. Toddler walked most, carried some. About .5 mile. Colder, 20 degrees.

Week 2- Motivated and... sick...all of us, including the baby. Bleh!

• Mon, Dec 7: Rec Center. 10 min walk/run on elliptical, leg weights, stretching: 1 hour.
• Tues, Dec 8: Bouldering 7-9:30, plus slacklining. 

Week 3- Still sick... needed fresh air...ugh! I haven't bought presents yet!

• Wed, Dec 15: 1 hour walk w/20lbs of baby on my back, about 2.5 miles
  

Week 4- Still trying to mail presents by the Postal cutoff date! Healthy and motivated again... what are these sniffles? I have a freakin' cold now?!

• Thurs, Dec 24: Snowshoeing 1.75 miles, half of which I carried the 20lb baby.

Week 5-  I really miss the activity from earlier! I need to toughen up and work out even when feeling a little off. Oh well.

• Tues, Dec 29: Bouldering, slacklining for 2 hours
  
• Wed, Dec 30: Rec Center- Aw yeah! 30 minutes (2.5 miles) of elliptical running, leg weights, stretching. Total 1.5 hours.
  
• Thurs, Dec 31: Pilates video at home, 30 minute legs
  

I have to touch on my eating habits a bit here too. I've been either pregnant or nursing or both since Aug 2006, and got used to eating constantly to keep my strength up. I've decided to try eating like a normal person now instead of an NFL player. When I'm paddling daily in the future, I'll be back to eating like that again, but for now it's not helpful.

I'm eating smaller portions although I wouldn't call it 'dieting' at all- I still eat whatever I want, including sweets. I'm not into fast food, so that helps. And it's not in our family budget to eat out- we cook most everything from scratch, so we eat pretty well: low on sodium and sugars, which are in everything processed these days.

My biggest dietary accomplishment is that I've stopped the 'anticipatory' eating, which is great; now my stomach growls and it makes me happy- it means I'm not over-grazing. I examine my portions and compare it to the size of my fist- that's how big my stomach should be with normal portions. And that's what I eat. So I'm not dieting, I'm just trying to find a more sustainable intake now. Seems to be working. We'll see if I lose 5 more pounds this next month...

'Mommy Guilt'- The Solution

We've visited the origins of common mother's guilt. Now let's examine why it needs to be abandoned.

Let's say that your mom tells you that apples are tasty and are good for you, but you never see her eating any. She never buys any. Would you be inclined to buy or eat an apple?

So let's examine role models:

• If I tell my daughter that she is important, and then I treat myself like I'm NOT important, will she believe me about her own worth?
• If I tell her that nurturing herself is essential, because nobody, no matter how much they love you, can really advocate actively for your heart, but I lead an unbalanced, unhealthy life, never voicing my needs or fulfilling them, what will she think is appropriate when the time comes to compromise with others?
• Do I want my son to pick a happy, well adjusted mate, or an unfulfilled, unhappy martyr?
• Do I want my kids to think it is normal for a partner to have their own interests, or feel threatened by their expanded world?

So even if I cannot justify balanced, healthy habits for my own well-being (which should be enough!) I can see that I need to model the behavior I wish my children to adopt and seek in others.

They need to see me taking time for myself. They need to see me doing things that interest me, working hard without giving up, and fulfilling goals that matter to me. They need to see that we can be very devoted to each other and yet also have time apart, and that time apart makes the time together richer.

Therefore, I am not neglecting my children, I am investing in them when I invest in my own well-being, health, and happiness. 

Ooo, snap!  
(guilt withers away)

'Mommy Guilt' - The History

When my daughter was born, I fell in love with an intensity I couldn't have imagined while pregnant. I discovered within myself a ferocity and also a fragility, both of which were immensely vast and profound.  The ferocity was for becoming a protective she-bear, and the sense of fragility made me aware of how every little interaction counts: every word, attitude, every life so precious. She became my world, and I was delighted with it. Of course I had times when I wept because I couldn't get enough sleep to be rational. (guilt begins!)

Each stage of her development was- and is- precious to me. I want to bask in her glow still. I also wanted a second child just two years apart.

I was sick and generally miserable throughout the second pregnancy, and felt so guilty about not being able to enjoy my firstborn more during all those months(guilt picks up more points here). Then once my son was born, I could pick my daughter up again without as much back pain, but I was back to the irrationally sleep-deprived state where "mama is grumpy"...and forgetful, and unenthusiastic... while trying to be gentle, kind, encouraging, perfect (guilt scores some moooore!).

So now I have a beautiful daughter and an extremely enthusiastic baby boy, and here comes more guilt: I can't split in two to give both kids all the attention they deserve. Oh to be a planaria! And so I slowly get more and more run down giving, giving more... an unsustainable rate of burnout.

I started trying to have a mommy night here and there for 2 hours each. In 7 months, I've gotten two afternoons where I had 4 hours to myself.  Sometimes I would exercise, other times I would read in a coffee shop. I've seen a few movies, but mostly for the popcorn. And still, I would feel guilty for the escape, for needing to vegetate.

How did I overcome the dreaded Mommy Guilt? Stay tuned for the next blog!

Book Review: Drawn to the Rhythm, A Passionate Life Reclaimed; by Sara Hall

The first book I decided to read is closely related to my goal and some of the challenges I'm facing. I hope you choose to read it- it's a great book, called Drawn to the Rhythm, a Passionate Life Reclaimed, by Sara Hall.

First, there's Sara Hall the person, a real person. 
Sarah Hall is a modern-day hero. What she manages to face and overcome to reclaim her joy is nothing short of Herculean. And then she shares it all. I highly recommend her book to anyone who feels stuck: stuck in a rut, stuck in a relationship, stuck in their responsibilities, even stuck inside themselves. Sara faces it all and comes out healthier, happier, a better role model for her children, and more at peace for honoring her feelings and molding them into something constructive.

As a 40-year old mother of three, in a marriage that was suffocating her, she falls in love and learns to love herself enough to seek the space she needs to thrive. Sound scandalous? Indeed, you'd think it was, and sadly, it is still in many places. But it shouldn't be. She didn't run off with some other man. She glimpsed her potential to participate in the world, to be happy, and to make a difference, and all of this promise was bundled up in a slender, unassuming-looking little boat that's known as the 'single' in the rowing world.

Sara's path would take her from the groomed, pre-approved acquaintances her husband allowed her to have, to making true, quality friends in the rowing community and beyond. Despite her husband's clear animosity, she nurtured her new love of rowing and ended up in races all over the continent, amusingly under-prepared for the early ones, with very little training or experience. (gives me some hope, because she was easily as clueless then as I am now!) In short order she would go on to win gold in the World Masters competition.

Incidentally, she never questioned having children. She said repeatedly that they were the best thing that happened to her and she cherished them immensely.  Even when rowing daily, she always made sure to take care of their needs first. I add this because often people think that when a mother questions her place and purpose in the world, that she doesn't think being a mommy is 'enough'. That's not the issue. Moms are people too, that's all, just like dads are and need to have interests that expand their minds beyond the house. That doesn't mean we don't love being moms and love our kids.  (Before reading this book, I would have thought this was pretty obvious, but then I read some reviews of her book online and was shocked to see a small number of people accusing her of not loving her kids. Yowza!) 

Lessons for rowing, lessons for life
She found in herself a fierce advocate, a voice that had been waiting to be heard for 20 years and that never gave up on her, which would surface at first just in her races. With time, she listened to her instinct and her heart more and more, and went from winning races to winning back her dignity, her power, and her joy. 

I'm fortunate in that I have a supportive husband, so that aspect of her story is not my own, but the challenge of doing something for yourself to reclaim your presence in the world beyond nursing, cleaning, and waiting on toddlers is very real. Her dedication to rowing is commendable to say the least, and is an inspiration to me as I try to "carve out an hour" to train just as she did. I felt my own competitive energies quicken as I read her accounts of the races she was in and found myself getting more excited about the Ultimate Florida Challenge. Her definition of winning? "...do my best, love my competitors, and feel the rhythm."

Sara Hall the writer
Her words leave you feeling as if you watched a scene unfold in person, so vivid a writer is she. She is also startlingly candid about her life, her views and her heart. She's not bitter. In fact, by the end of the book, she expresses only gratitude and hope for not just her life and the kids, but for her husband, despite everything.

The pace of the book is interesting. It's not chronological- she actually takes the mystery out of it entirely by telling you what will happen to the marriage and what races she wins at the beginning. What makes the book so compelling is the journey itself. By the time she revisits her various "accomplishments" you are once again excited about it all.

I don't remember having any issues with this book the first time I read it a few years ago. This time, I noticed the chronology occasionally confused me a bit jumping between story-telling and introspection- maybe my sleep deprivation from the baby? And sometimes she waxed poetic a bit too much for me- again, I usually enjoyed her descriptions, so I suspect it had more to do with me being stressed and not settling into the book as much.

Lastly, while the material in it is stellar, I think if I were the publisher, I would have asked Sara to mix the material towards the end a bit differently so the failing of the marriage would have been paced in accordance with what she was accomplishing at the same time, rather than examining one and then the other.

Overall book review grade from me:
     A (taking into consideration the complexity of the storyline, she did make things very clear, and the content was incredibly interesting and entertainingly shared) I'd recommend this book to friends and family without hesitation. Plenty inspiring, especially for those who need a good reminder that life is what we make with each decision, OR what happens to us while we wait around and mope, so choose wisely.

Where I'm going and Why you matter!

I recognize that I will need lots of help to accomplish this challenge. I lack the knowledge and experience to even chart a reasonable course. The saying, "The more I learn, the more I realize how much I have to learn" applies.

Things I know I need to learn about as of right now:

1. The classes of boats in the race, pros and cons of each, and which ones appeal to me 
2. Choosing a boat to aim for, and what I can get a hold of and handle now
3. How to paddle properly, how to roll a kayak, if that's what I'm in
4. Where to train (what body of water, and where indoors in the winter? Our reservoirs tend to freeze over)
5. Best cross training for this? Should I just do what I love, or is there something even more effective I should try?
6. groups or clubs with other paddlers for feedback, training partners, maybe a coach
   
7. online resources, magazines, books to read

These are the things I hope to clarify this winter so that I'm ready to train once the waters have thawed (Am I forgetting anything?). During this cold, dark time I'll work on waking up my body to activity again: Pilates, tai chi, snowshoeing, bouldering. (I love tai chi. Check out where I was lucky enough to study for a year under Grand Master Pui Chan)

There is no one right way to proceed. The trick will be finding the right way for me: the formula that fits my life, my body, my family, my personality. And what works once might not work a few months later.  Your input on things will be instrumental, since I expect my readership to be vastly more knowledgeable than a single person could hope to be. I hope you will offer what you know, enjoy what we discover together, and stay with me across the finish line.

Meanwhile, I'll be posting not just these findings, but each month I'll feature a book, an interview, my confessional (the exercise log), and an inspiring story (mine and other people's). I'll also update how things are going on the family front in balancing my project with family life (the goal being that an enthusiastic husband and kids are waiting at the finish line and even want to go for a paddle sometimes).

The team to do it

I'm starting off my prep work with two very knowledgeable women to help me get past the postpartum hurdle of regaining core strength. For those of you who haven't experienced pregnancy and childbirth, let me just say a few words... hopefully educational words that don't gross anybody out.

When pregnant, your body produces a hormone called relaxin and your bones, specifically your pelvis, go soft. I'm not joking. The ol' pelvis becomes supple and changes shape to get the job done. It does eventually re-solidify. All of your tendons, ligaments, and therefore your joints loosen up too. You become severely sway-backed from the constant weight of your belly pulling on your abdomen. And since your ab muscles have completely given up the ghost at that time in order to allow you to breath shallowly, you waddle carefully trying not to pull anything too much out of place. Your ribs have been stretched- many women measure a different width to their ribcage afterward- and you get hunched over from all of these contortions, too. And if you choose to nurse your baby, you get even more hunched: neck, shoulders, back... and what's more, according to some experts, your body continues to produce relaxin (in lower doses) the whole time you nurse! So you stay strangely, dangerously loose- and more injury-prone even after you've given birth. Oh, and if you carry your baby, as all women do, you probably end up favoring one arm over another, and then you end up with one hip higher, your whole back curving, tweaked to one side, which spreads up your neck and shoulders and down into your sacrum.

And that's mostly just the skeletal change. I could go on to describe the impact of having a baby on the pelvic floor muscles, but I'll leave that to Lynn Leech to explain a little bit in January when I feature her in an interview. She'll be helping me with my abdominal recovery.

Lynn Leech offers a 4-step program, developed by Julie Tupler, RN, to help heal Diastasis Recti. During pregnancy, the abs known as the 6-pack get split down the middle- they pull apart, leaving the ligaments weak and over-stretched, and they need help coming back together. The problem is that most crunches and core-strengthening exercise is actually very bad for healing this separation and can make it worse! So she's going to work with me to repair the gap and check back in with me regularly to make sure I'm not doing more harm over the course of my training. 

Now there's another aspect to all of this, which is that I've repeatedly injured my back over the years. I broke my back in a fall about 10 years ago, and then re-injured it about 5 years ago, damaging a nerve in the sacrum. The pregnancies were not kind to my back, and I find I have to rehabilitate it once again. This is where Hayley comes into the picture.

Hayley Hobson is a Pilates instructor who I met through Lynn. She also has an infant, so she's in touch with the post-partum challenge.  Last time I had to rehabilitate my back (after my first pregnancy) the PT I worked with used mostly Pilates to help me, and it was highly effective. My insurance has changed and I can't return to that PT now. Happily, I found Hayley, and look forward to having her help me build up strength in my core (in cooperation with Lynn's approach). Hopefully I'll have an interview with Hayley coming up, too.

Cross-training Philosophy

I'm no physiotherapist, nor an expert on anatomy. However, personal observations and experience have lead me to form some opinions on the matter of cross-training.

I've clocked a few hours climbing, and another few observing other climbers, and have noticed two things:

1. The perception that climbing is a hands/arm activity is false
2. Our bodies operate best when balanced, and some sports don't provide that balance by themselves

Here's what I mean:

Climbing appears to be all about your hands and arms. Beginners always make the mistake of "overgripping" a hold when they first start. As you progress, you discover that your skeleton can do much more of the work for you than you thought. Then you become aware of how much your foot positioning counts for taking weight off of your arms and helps lift you. You come away with sore legs, not just sore arms after a good effort. Not to mention a sore back.

Which leads to my next observation. While climbing really is a full-body effort, most climbers suffer from lop-sided development in one crucial way. Our bodies are designed to be balanced. For every "pull" muscle, there is an opposing "push" muscle. Climbers do LOTS of pulling with their lats, but not nearly as much pushing with their pecs. The result is a hunched-but-muscular build on men and women. Some try to counter is with yoga, other with just doing lots of push-ups. Others just shrug. This imbalance, though, can lead to becoming injury-prone, joint pain, posture problems that cause issues when older, and even forced early retirement from a beloved activity.

So let's examine paddling. Lots of pulling? Check! Repetitive motions? Check! Appearance of being an upper-body-only workout? Check! Looks like I'll need to incorporate cross-training into my plans and consult some expert paddlers to understand how my whole body can support my paddling efforts.

Forging New Habits

For December I’m just trying to create new habits. Monday night I did 10 minutes on an eliptical machine, then another 15 minutes of leg weights. Then I stretched for a bit. All in all, maybe not quite an hour, but a nice wake-up call (followed by hot tub and steam room time, haHA!). I figure if I start off easy, I'm less likely to hurt myself.

If I can start the habit of going to work out, the content of the workout can change over time. That’s really what December is all about for me: learning to carve time out of my family life for myself. And really, it’s for them, too- after all, a happier, healthier me means a happier mama and wife.

I know this goal seems really basic, but it's huge in context: until recently, I haven't even been able to feel like I could plan on showering regularly with a newborn and a toddler. So to be able to make a HABIT of caring for myself by means of exercise is huge. 

Getting my Butt in Gear (GBG!)

Ah, life.

I had my ideas about the general flow of postings, but then life happened.

So it goes.

*   *   *   *   *   *

For the month of December, I'm going to set modest goals, which are still a huge improvement over the great, big NOTHING that has been my exercise routine so far.

I have a three-pronged attack:

1. Bouldering at The Spot one day a week with my husband, our baby and a friend: We'll trade off holding the babe while we each get a nice anaerobic workout. When we're all exhausted, we end with a little slacklining to improve our balance. (The toddler stays with the grandparents that night)

2. Rec Center on Grandparent days or evenings off from hubby: On days the toddler is with the Folks, I give the baby to them or my husband, depending on the situation, and jet to the rec center for a couple of hours. I hope to do this at least once a week, hopefully twice.

3. Family Outings: Hiking, biking, or snowshoeing for at least an hour on weekends. If not, a yoga video for me on the sly.

I'm trying to create four realistic opportunities per week with the goal of accomplishing three of them. I'll keep a log of my activity and post it at the end of the month.