Who is in your inner circle?

Something I've been learning living here in Boulder is that I shouldn't compare myself to others.

There is always someone more fit, more lean, more accomplished, more hard-core. It continues: more health-conscious, more natural with their eating and lifestyle, more educated, and heck, just plain smarter. I have a simple undergrad degree. Boulder has the highest number of PhDs per capita in the nation. Lots of well-read, well-studied folks. Lots of brave adventurers, courageous entrepreneurs and high-powered, effective activists.

I have always walked into a room feeling like the kid, the youngster in a crowd of accomplished, wiser people. Even when that means selling myself short. Comparing myself to those who have achieved much is usually the quickest way to downgrade what I *have* done with my trips around the sun.

Of course, the opposite is true too. I can easily take a look at national averages and feel pretty good about my standing. This breeds complacency. It can even lead to arrogance.

How can we avoid those odious comparisons while still finding inspiration and support from the efforts of others? Most people have a default imaginary circle of people who they feel are watching and judging them as they move through life. Sometimes parents, friends, teachers. Often there are negative judgments and defensive justifications involved. I read about this theory and can't remember the book, or I'd give credit for the idea. Anyway, I decided to be pro-active, and formed a group of carefully chosen people to be my inner circle who would serve as positive mentors.

So who is in my inner circle of peers? Who do I have my imaginary conversations with (Come on! You ALL do it!)? I've chosen some interesting folks, most of whom I've never met directly. I've heard stories about their lives, their works, or I've read their works. Most of them are from previous generations. Most are not famous. Hard working and creative ranchers, farmers, entrepreneurs and homesteading housewives. Philosophers, writers and deep thinkers. A hermit or two. Some spiritual leaders. People with grit, who accept that hard work is requisite for success and hold positive attitudes.

I'm inspired by their ingenuity, humor, gentle joy, persistence, pragmatism, honor, shrewdness, and a toughness that's almost been bred out of my generation. Or schooled out of us. Or... I don't know. We, as a culture, are just not as ass-kicking, snake-stomping, rock-hauling tough anymore. Yet we could be. We complain and make excuses more. These folks step up and get things done without all the fanfare. We admire it when we encounter it. It still exists, like a startling, delightful sighting of an endangered species. And we can consciously choose to restore these values. *(I'm not saying plenty of you out there don't work really hard. I just think we as a culture spend too much time watching TV, surfing the Net, etc etc and I notice I waste bits of time doing useless things in the name of 'unwinding' when there are productive things that can allow me to unwind, too)

So during the day, some of these fair folk lean over my shoulder when I start to zone out reading the comics or some silly digest of crap online and snap me out of it. "What can you be doing that is productive towards one of your goals, young lady?" It's not nagging or judgmental. It's friendly standard-setting. I respect and appreciate the chance to improve my lot in life, and hell, that's going to require hard work! It's not like I'm going change overnight. But I am changing.

At the end of the day, as I head to bed, I review my day with my inner circle. Good day, or wasted? Was there time I could have spent better? It's a nice way to review things. I find I take more and more joy in hard work done well, and not wasting time.

More often than not, when people ask me how I'm doing, I find it harder to complain, because the efforts I'm making leave me feeling satisfied, even if I'm tired. I'm content with working hard, and I have some great cheerleaders. If you haven't cultivated such a group, you should pick some too.